I am in love with the most wonderful person in the world: Mark Anthony Decomo. He is Italian. He is amazing. He is a sweetheart. He treats me wonderful. He makes me happy. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He holds me right. He wipes away my tears. He molds to my body. He is affectionate. He fits to my personality. He shares the same interest as I. He loves me for who I am and are. He accepts me for who I am and are. He asked me to marry him... And I said yes. 

Yes, you read it! Kittie is engaged and has a fiance. 

Other than that amazing news... I'm being deploying on March 28th. It's coming up pretty quick, considering that it's only 1.5 week(s) away. Sure, I'll be in lovely ol' Kuwait for about a month, then to Iraq, but's just the fact that I'll be in a combat zone for the next 6-7 months. It's kind of a scary thought. That, and my fiance is going down-range with me. I hope nothing happens to either of us. 

My mom is cancer-free, finally. 

That's about it.

So, this week has been nothing really than a blur.

I found out a few things out about Neal, the ex-boyfriend, that I didn't like. First of all, he's dating Meagan (who is still in highschool, has low confidence, was one of my really good friends, and knew I was happy with him). Second of all, he told her that I cheated on him. Third of all, he told her that I put the Air Force before him (even though I came to see him every weekend; it was the other way around). And, last but not least, he doesn't understand how hard it is to be someone's friend that was just broken up with by that same person.

I have come to the conclusion that Neal is an immature and selfish little boy who doesn't understand the concept of commitment. I just hope he can be happy with Meagan and maybe she'll be a better girlfriend to him than I was. Maybe she'll give him what he wants: a chick who will put him first and has no problem in being last to him. I also have come to the conclusion that the concept of a relationship is too complex for someone like Neal because he doesn't have any type of experience in the dating world. Or he just lives in a fantasy where everything in the world revolves around him and his issues and nothing else really matter unless he's getting something out of it, such as sex. I've come to realize that he is not worth the stress to me. I have more things to worry about, such as my mother and Iraq. Him and his little entourage or baggage do not pertain to me anymore and he has left me slightly disgusted of his decisions and actions. I don't want to be a part of it anymore, so I am no longer his friend. We are no longer talking.

Besides...

I'm happy with Mark Decomo. He is the male version of me, believe it or not, and we have so many interests in common. We've spend the past couple of days together and it's been so amazing. I'm all ready attached and I hope nothing will bring us apart.

<3 Kitkat

That's right. I'm done with it. I'm done with being treated like shit.

He's treated me like a piece of meat since a couple of days before we broke up. Today was just the last of it. He said he wanted to be my friend, so I tried to be his friend. I hung out with him at the dog park. Everything was fine until he rushed me along, saying he had things to do. Then, he put me on hold for an hour and a half and we met up at the mall. We spent two minutes in Hot Topic and he made a beeline to Sprint. He ignored me there, so I went and sat by myself by the fountain. He came back, said he was hungry, and kinda just walked off. So, I sat by myself again until he told me to come find him. So, I did, sat around, watched him eat... He threw his crap away and, then said, "I have to get going. I have some things I still need to get done". After trying to make him stay, I got up and left. He didn't try to come after me. Whatever. The last thing I said to him was, "If you're so busy, then don't bother with me at all. I'm not here to be drug around and then cut off at the throat. I'm supposed to be a friend. Not meat. I know you treat your fiends better than that. Call me later. If you have time. Bye." The last thing he said to me was his reply, "I'm sorry. Your right. I need to treat you better." He just cut himself at the throat.

*curls up* What else could possibly happen before I go to Iraq?

I found this on MySpace, posted January 8th, 2007. Hahahaa, what a fucking reflection.

(This was written on Jan. 3, 2007)

How long has it really been since we first met each other? It's been a whole year, but most of those days, we were only friends. In a grocery store, even (Publix to say the least). We didn't really do much as friends until 9 months ago when we began to hang-out with each other. It didn't really take us that long.

How long has it really been since you first asked me on a date? It's been a whole 8 months, but most of those days were spent getting to know each other. At a park, at a lake, or at amusement places, even (yay Fun Station). You fell for me 7 months ago, but I was afraid to let myself fall. Yet, my friends told me to give you a chance.

How long has it really been since the day I gave you my heart? It's been a whole 6 months, and it's been a great six months since then. We cuddled with each other, we held each other, and have had our ups and downs (through thick and thin)...

Hopefully, that will never end. Luckily, we will stay together until death do we part. Even though I'll be in the military and you'll be finishing college, though we'll be in separate places (most of the time), and things will get hard, we will fight our way through. We will see each other through the fog because of our strong-willed connection.

Love is what keeps us together.

Yup, you read the title.

He did it again.

After I put so much work into it, even talked about marriage to him, loved him hard... He still did it. He basically said that he just could not take the distance and it was dragging him down. Sadly, as much as I don't want to admit to this, I understand. I just... I knew that we could make it work, but I came to the conclusion that he just wasn't committed enough. But, people say that if you truely love someone with all of your heart... You have to let them go. ...I put my heart and soul into this kid... We were gonna go places! I don't feel anymore... I'm so numb.

He wants to stay friends... But I want more than that.

I need to think. I need a drink. I need some aspirin.

Thank you, gut feeling, for preparing me.

I love you, Neal. Siempre.

*curls up*

I guess you could say that the reason I've been bitchy lately is partly because I'm depressed.

I guess you could say the reason I've been depresses is partly because I'm feeling lonely.

At Moody AFB, as great as it is, I have no friends (yet), no family, and no one to share anything with. People can't come up and visit me because of illness or business ailments.

It sucks.

I'm deploying March 28th, the set date, and I hope to God that I come back in six months.

I got a brand new television, a 20", that's freaking amazing. With that, I found my Gamecube and other game systems, and brought that back with me. I love it, so far. I'm getting cable installed on Wednesday and it's gonna cost about $60/month. I have the money, so I figure why not?

I decided that, when I come back from deployment, I'm going to buy a 2008 Chevrolet Aveo, a sun-burnt orange one, and just suck it up with the payments. I mean, it's nice to have an all-ready-paid-for-car, but it's starting to get extremely old with it's run-downs and whatnot. I am in love with the Aveo, anyway.

My mom's surgery date got pushed back to the 19th, they're hoping. I think that's bullshit because she has Stage 4 cancer and it's bugging me because there is no more stages after Stage 4 and Stage 4 is the deadliest. *sigh*

Neal's coming up to see me for Valentine's Day. I love him to death. He's changed a lot. I wonder if our break-up made him realize a few things. I really would marry him.

I'm breaking out really bad. It's pissing me off. I hate acne.

I'm going to start being more healthy. The gym on base is amazing, so I'm going to go there more often. I'm going to buy groceries from the commissary, healthy stuff, and I'm going to start eating better. I've been eating nothing but junk food and it's making me feel ill and gross. I liked the way I felt in basic and techy school better than this. Plus, I'll start looking better and my acne will go away.

I miss my children (my dogs).

I like writing in Stream of Consciousness.

So, it's February 4th in the great year of 2008, and I'm chillin' in my new dorm room on my new base, Moody AFB in Valdosta, GA. It's so cool. It's like a little apartment (stove, microwave, refrigerator, etc). Tomorrow, I have more stuff to take care of, such as a PT test and getting my military i.d. updated. Whoo. I think I'm going to like it, here. So, with the downside to all this successful happiness, I have two notes of bad news.

1. My mom's cancer is back and she's having surgery on Thursday, February 14th. I won't be able to see her go through the surgery because I'm not taking the leave until next month.
   
2. On March 29th, I am deploying to Iraq.
   

Yup, kids. Read it and weep. Any questions or comments?

That's a damn good song. So... I graduated today! After a long 14-week period of 65-training days, I finally made it through and finished amazingly. I was so nervous that I would not have graduated, but as soon as they put that certificate in my hand before the ceremony, I was happy as a deprived boy smokin' a blunt (crude, I know). I've got my plane ticket to go home on Friday and I am on my way to Moody AFB, Valdosta, Georgia. I'm all packed and ready to go, except for the stupid little Airman's Manual (a little book given to you during basic training). So, overall, other than the news that I got before I went to  the ceremony practice, today was a very lucky and exciting day.

Now, my mom called me and once she found out that I was graduating, she delivered to me some news. First, she straight up told me that I needed to take emergency leave. Then, after asking why a few times, she proceeded to tell me that her cancer had come back, according to the doctors. The day I report to Moody, on the 4th, she is going to see the cancer doctor so she can schedule a surgery. I talked to my 1st Sergeant and Squad Leader (people in charge of me) and they both said they'll see what they could do (I talked to them about taking R.A.P. rather than emergency leave; I'm using emergency leave as a last resort). They said they'd look into it and, because of the situation, I should be able to get it.

So... Yeah. I can't wait to be home, and then again, I'll probably cry. A lot. To every day, there is always Good News and there is always Bad News. Yep.

(Disclaimer: I wrote this a long time ago. Like, December 7th of 2007. Be kind. Lol.)

Smiling softly, Aurora stared into his bright blue eyes. Those eyes of his made her melt between her breaths, especially when they were focused on her. His eyes shifted and her smile faded as quick as the color in her soft face. Slowly, Aurora broke eye contact and shifted her focus down to her chest. Sticking out was a bloody blade that had been pushed through her back. She coughed up blood, but she still stood with all of her strength. Before Sephiroth could do anything, Aurora pulled the sword out from her back with agonizing pain. She faced the one who had stabbed her. Her brows furrowed and her eyes turned dark with slight anger and hurt. With all of her might, she stabbed the sword right through Kanz, pushing the sword through his own stomach up to its hilt. Losing her last bit of strength, Aurora fell to the ground. The last she heard was Kanz's maniacal laughing and all turned black.

So… It’s been a little while since I’ve updated this little journal. I passed the end-of-training test with a 77% on the second try. I could have done better, but I was sick as a damn dog. I finally got over my sickness, although I still have a cough, and started the last part of training before graduation: NightOps. NightOps sucks major monkey ass because all you do is stand around at night between 5hrs-12hrs guarding mock-F16s and mock-nukes (mock = not real). Yeeaah… We started this Friday night and it continues to Tuesday night. That’s going to be a rough day because we get off at 2400 on Tuesday and our graduation day is Wednesday. Yes, I am officially part of the USAF Security Forces once I get that badge with my badge number on it on Wednesday. I am so freakin’ excited. After that, I hopefully get to go home for two free weeks, then go to Valdosta. Yay! I’ll be close to home! Whoo!! That’s all of the update.

 

Neal asked me to marry him while he was drunk Friday night. Now, we’re actually talking about it. <3

So, all weekend long, I've been sick with a little cough. I wake up today with my nose running, sinus pressure, and a cough. I couldn't sleep that well last night and my room-mate, again, woke me up early this morning. I hate the fact that I'm sick because being sick is not a very fun feeling. I can't self-medicate or I'll get in trouble (who's gonna know?) and the base clinic is closed today. I'm going to Reid, the base clinic, tomorrow. I don't know if I can do Night Ops in this condition. *sigh* Anyway, tomorrow is the very last written test of the techy school and I know I'm going to pass. It's pretty easy, actually. I'm going to take some cough medicine (that I don't have.. >_>) and let myself pass the f--- out. Then, when I wake up again, I'm going to freakin' study (since I haven't done it at all this weekend). =/ I'll post something later.

<3 KittyHawk =]>

Sighing softly, she sat and listened to the guest speaker on some television show, a woman at that, bash the females in the military. Amber rolled her eyes as the woman began to talk about how the women in the military shouldn't have even enlisted because they were meant to do more womanly tasks. As she laced up her polished black boots and buttoned up her BDU top over her tucked-in black shirt, she turned off the television and grabbed her blue beret that had the Defensor Fortis flash on it. "Try dealing with what I go through," she said, picking up her car keys. "Maybe then you'd understand..."

I'm writing this in class because I'm bored, especially when I shouldn't be (I should be paying attention). I'm trying to keep myself from falling asleep so I don't get in trouble with the instructors. That's the last thing I need right now, considering everything that happened yesterday. Ugh. Class is a drag right now, knowing how tired I am and whatnot. We're having a test review right now because we've got a test on Tuesday! Speaking of which, 3-day weekend! HUAH! I'm not very nervous about the test because I know I'll pass. I'm going to study this weekend, knowing that I'll have time. This is our last test before techy school graduation and I'm slightly excited about that. I have to go get my stripes so I can have them sewn on for graduation. *sigh* That's too much money. Anywho, I think we have dorm inspections today because they checked our shit last night only to keep repeating, "She's looking for..." Yeah. I only stress out about dorm inspects because if I fail one, that means my whole Saturday is taken up with details (cleaning) and RMT (basic on steroids). I heard RMT sucks major butt and I don't want to have that. Oh, look! We're learning about Target Indicators, now. Oh well. I've got the review questions done. Anywho, as I was... Today at 1530 or 1600, we've got a Commander's Call. That's basically where the commander of our squadron, Major Friederikson, comes out to talk to us. We're not sure what he's going to talk to us about, but I have a feeling that it's not going to be good. It probably has to do something with us, " 'cause we're Team 6". That's our catch phrase, now. Brb. Lunch. Okay, I'm back. Dude, my squad leader just got owned. She was talking about how she's pissed at the team for getting put on Phase 1 because her dad was driving 22 hours to come see her and it wasn't fair. I'm thinking, "Hey! It happens," because it happened to me back in November when we got put on lockdown. I didn't sympathize with her because she was being childish about it by being a bitch to everyone about it. Well, Scali (one of the assholes on the team who I have new respect for) put her in her place by letting her know that a lot of us have gone through that and we're about complaining about it. She shut up real quick, and quite frankly, I could care less if she's hurt or not. I know that's mean, but we all have to deal with it. Not just her. I lost my plans this weekend.  e_e;  Anywho, off that subject. I feel slightly better than yesterday. Although it's colder than a mofo and wet outside, I'm getting better. Sweet! Not really. But, um, I'm going to go ahead and go. I'll most likely write more later.

<3 Kittyhawk =]>

Today was my first day back at Lackland after being at Camp Bullis for the past 3 weeks. It seems longer than that because Christmas vacation was right in the middle of it. It's pretty brutal because I'm in the middle of a cold, as well, which means that my coughs hurt, headaches make me nauseous, losing my voice, and nasal drainage. Today's class room session just about killed me because I had a headache all day, especially while the instructor droned on about classified material. I wanted to shoot myself, it was that bad. I'm going to go to the base clinic, Reid, tomorrow to get medicine for this cold.

This weekend, I was gonna treat myself and go out with a bunch of my friends from base (Sara, Fortune, Solis, Ratti, and myself). We were gonna get a taxi and go to Texas Roadhouse, then see a movie. We were gonna do it Saturday. We were gonna do all of this and have fun until all hell broke loose today right as we were being dismissed by our MTL. The new MTL, SSgt Harris, took our fucking privileges away from us and we're back on Phase 1. This means we can't go off-base and we have to walk around in our BDU's (camou uniform). This Phase 1 totally hit all of us off-guard and everyone was upset. Especially me, since I need a day out with the friends (considering what's going on in my personal life). =/

So, after we were done getting our asses handed to us on a silver platter, I started to run my errands. Here's how it went: (1)I went to the post office, where I finally got my debit card; (2)I went to clothing sales where I got myself a new pair of leather gloves that I needed; (3)I went to the mini-mall and ate dinner and got some items that I needed for the dorm (such as cleaning items and whatnot); (4)I proceeded to clean up my dorm room and get it in inspection order since our MTL is a bitch; (5)I ironed my uniform and made it look fantastic; (6)I shined my boots which takes almost an hour; (7)I changed my linen on my bed. What a long day, eh? I'm ready to wind down and finally go to sleep. I'm about to do that, too. :D

So, news on the relationship! Last night, Neal sent me a text message asking me why I took him back and if I still loved him. I took it to heart and found that as an opportunity to tell him how I really feel. So, here's what I sent back to him:

I'm still slightly worried about my mom... Not slightly, a lot. If you don't know why, then read the journal post before this one.

Anyway, we were let off about an hour ago (after cleaning weapons for four hours straight) and I got done packing at 1400. Lol, yeah I just didn't unpack when we got to Camp Bullis because we were gonna be here for only 3 weeks. We're leaving tonight at 2000 or 2030. I can't wait for the long bus ride back to Lackland because I get to take a nap. I'm gonna take a nap, anyway. I might post more later when I get into my new room because, right now, I'm gonna drink the rest of my strawberry milk and take a 2.5 hour nap. Whoo! Much love!

<3 Kitkat

The buena noticia, first.

So... After a long day equipped with ambushes and falling on my ass 3 times, we are finally done with Camp Bullis, the longest three weeks of my life. I am so glad to know that we are graduating in only 2.5 weeks and it would be amazing if I could leave ASAP. I can't stand it here. I'm, like, about ready to fight one of the girls here, who is appointed over me. That wouldn't look very good. We leave tomorrow night, pack tomorrow during the day, and our training day is called Recovery Day. It's basically where we relax and do nothing but weapons cleaning. Oh! And for the casings that were found in my wall-locker that I talked about yesterday... I got an LOC (Letter of Counseling) for it, which is basically a slap on the wrist. It might be paperwork, but it won't follow me to my next duty station.


...I had, yet again, a long day...

It started when I could sleep until midnight last night and I woke up this morning really groggy and as though the cat tore up my face. Lol. Then, I went to go train. WHOO! Not really. The french toast wasn't that good for breakfast, I was lagging in my running, and the usual deuce ride was not at all comforting (it was fucking freezing, so the wind-draft from the truck into the tailbed froze off my face; that and tactical riding is hard on your knees, especially on bumpy dirt roads). Not only that, but we took a long trek route to a hill, where we laid in the prone position and proceeded to bound up the hill. This is called Bounding Overwatch. It is not fun. Imagine running with three other people up a hill and quickly falling onto your stomach with your gun pointed down range in front of you. The getting back up quickly when called to and doing it again. Now, imagine doing this repetitive hard running up a rocky, steep hill. I rolled my ankle twice, twisted my ankle, and fell on my ass (the barrel of the gun proceeded to hit the tip of my right knee and left me gimpy for a little while). We bounded up one twice, then trekked to another hill, and bounded up that one. Not fun at all. I can say that my back hurt, my left calf hurt, and I was wheezing as though I had asthma. I can't say that or they'll investigate. Lmfao. Finally, the day is done and we turn in our weapons, only to come to three MTLs standing outside. Then we are told that we're being inspected and they are going through our wall-lockers. At this point, I'm freaking out. Not because of the casings I picked up for my brother, but because of the IcyHot I had and the vitamins I had. We're not allowed to self-medicate. I totally forgot about the casings. Apparently, we're not allowed to pick up casings and keep them while in techy school. The reasoning...? I don't know. Anyway, they confiscated it (which bummed me out) and pulled a discrepency report form (341, as we call'em) and took it with him. Now, I'm not really freaking out as much as I should, but I am because I don't wanna get washed back for this. I can stand an LOR or something like that, but not washed back. I don't think I'll be washed back, though, because they don't take some things seriously, you know?

But, yeah, that was my long and hard day. It may not seem like much, but you've gotta remember the baggage that I carry (physically and mentally).

I miss Neal. =/

I can't wait until graduation. I am ready for it, all ready.

She sat back and looked up at the stars. It was a clear night tonight, especially now that she was out in the middle of no where on an Army base. The thought of her boyfriend came up in her head. She was so love sick and she hated the phrase, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". It proved to be too true. She laid back into the soft dead grass and shifted her gaze to each star. She concentrated on Orion's Belt, the same constellation she used to watch in her boyfriend's car. She sighed, unable to get him out of her head. Every time she thought about him, she thought about their future together, considering they weren't physically together right now.

"Hey! You comin' back inside?"

She tore away from her thoughts and looked over to the one who had talked to her. It was her fellow team member and best friend, Fortune. She sat up with a grunt and managed to stand herself up. She brushed herself off and began to walk back towards the dorms.

"Yeah, let's go..."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine... Just thinking..."